So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Are my feet made of real feet?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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