you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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