this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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