this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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