whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
