when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
