Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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