hotel room ftw
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
