So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
