I want to walk on stilts...naked
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize