My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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