is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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