Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
do nipples grow back?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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