oh god the rape fog is back!
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
How's work?
Spinning.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
