She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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