I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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