There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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