Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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