dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
