It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
