420 ftw
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
