just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
