clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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