dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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