I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
