why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
