Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
