she looked like the before picture.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
