How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
