I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize