can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
