"it" just moved
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
