Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
