Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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