Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
