I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
