a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
