True but thats because hes a fetus.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize