If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize