She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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