i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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