I want to stick my p in your. b.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
