Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize