I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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