I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize