so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
