Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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