Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
