I think i peed on brittanys purse
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
