The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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