i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
