I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
