i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
