i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
