i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
