its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
