I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize