Who wears a wallet chain?!
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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