Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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