The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize