Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
