Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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