he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
