im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
