im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
