I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize