She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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