I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
