Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
