another moral hangover. fuck.
It's Friday. Sex?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
