I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
