member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
