She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
