My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
