He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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