Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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