im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
A+ Viking dick
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