thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
