he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize