I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
