Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize