Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
