Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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