omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
