So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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