I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
