That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
