why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
