How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
