But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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