Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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