running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
