She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
