Can Purell be used as lube?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
