Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
