im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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