look no pants
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
