Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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