hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I could make wine with my vomit
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
