ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Dicks are not precious.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize