Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
