My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
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