honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
